The End
I love the End so much. I mean, I'm obviously a big "fan" (eughh..) of the Eye, but, really, I probably...at least partially belong to the End.
It's probably just the depression. Depressive episodes, I mean. You know, the essentially guarenteed thoughts of death. Except I'm still not suicidal. ... I just uhh. I am trying very hard to live more. And I think it's going great. I think it's going great.
My memory is getting, uh, worse, though. I'mmmm. I'm isolating. Maybe thats why I'm still so fucking depressed? Being with people isn't working, which is a sign that I gotta stop. Stop seeing them and stop talking. But its so late that I guess I didn't realize I've like..already stopped. I guess. And it's harder when this happens because I'm just not...very sad often. I just get sad. When I talk to my friends and when I. Think about them. Or my future.
...
Drawing birds helped, I suppose.
We're going to die. I'm going to die. I don't see anything wrong with dedicating a bit of my youth to consider this. I'd...what I'd really like is a few days. A few days where time doesnt pass, for me to think about what to do, about dying. Have just.. to have just any plan. I'm going to die. Which is.. its fine. But I need to live. I won't be able to handle it. Dying a wimp. And I won't be able to handle my friends dying, either. But um... I'm worried about my memories. They'll be gone. And all of...well. we're all going to forget, then die. All of this. Oh wowm umm I forgot. I forgot about that. That... Everyone else will die, too. And then this will be nothing. In the moment.
But it is, now.