Sinking Feeling
It's sort of hard. To exist. And be normal. I've been doing very good recently, I mean, dread aside. But right now...or, a bit earlier, when I was trying to continue my last post, I just...this happens so often. I find myself, um...lost. There is just too much. There is...too much. Too much to think about and consider. I just can't do it. And it just...ugh. What are you supposed to do? Talk to somebody about it? Hit your friends up, and go "hey, are any of you stuck on how MUCH there is, these days?", or something of the like?
Because even if you did...do that. It doesn't help. Nothing helps. Everything feels so distant, and meaningless. I feel like that a lot—distant, and like things are meaningless, but usually its within the context of being depressive and self absorbed. This is the equilibrium of that, it's a "realization" I've been through thousands of times. So I know the answer—what to do, who to talk to. Of course, you do nothing, and talk to no one. And it will go away. It has to, because eventually, something will drag you back into your life. Probably your environment...or someone in it, maybe. You can't be lost forever.
But that doesn't really. Um...Help, obviously. In the moment. It might take a while. This is just such um. Bullshit. That everything is changing all the time, and that every day is a game to keep SOMETHING going for long enough to keep my shit together. My life and my friends and, most importantly, my future. Whats up with that, why is there so much ahead of me? And why does it all depend on the me right now? Stop that!!!