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I often think of my past dreams. It is not by choice most of the time, theyre jyst such a big big part of my memories. I cant think of much without a dream being relevant.
Its been a few fimes already now that ive had to remind myself my dreams of my father aren't real. Not the horrible ones, but the realistic ones, about visiting or about texting and stuff.
My father would often be frustrated with me for all of the questions id ask him. They were framed oddly and about the same things every time. Do you remember the name of this game we played this one year, did we go to this one place with this room like this, do you rememeber when we listened to this song while driving there, etc etc. I often tried very hard not to forget stuff with him, since I saw him so little. But it never worked. I still don't know the names of the games or the places we went, or if we went at all. And I can't foresee this changing orr...getting any better. I know thattt.. i know these things. Like somewhere. In my head. I'll just never rememeber.
And i wish there were an amount of emphasis to get this across, like, for the rest of my life. That I'm...that i cant remember. I can't remember almost anything.
Knowing evedy danganeonpa and homestuck characters name isnt much, because i only barely know these things either. I dont actually Know them, i just feel them. I have to recite their intros to remember the sounds they make, and every sound is easily interchangable. I guess its kinda easier due to the language difference. Sayaka maizono is easily sayano maizana. It means nothing to me. Almost nothing. I oft mess up komaeda and hinatas names, even. It doesnt matter how much I like the fucking...games or whatever. It doesnt matter.
But I easily remember feelings yhat comre with places. Being a place for the first time and...returning.
All of my friend's houses are here. I remember fhem all. What they looked like and how they felt.
Whatever. I just wish anybody understood i um. I cant remember anything.