log 16
i'm thinking about before, again. before i really had anyone i mean. what comes to mind, always, and what i use as an example, always, is sitting in the library asking my good friend at the time for numbers.
this is what i think of when i think "i don't need people; i've done just fine without them before". but i have to wonder iffff. i could ever actually go back. i don't think so. i just love everyone too much, and there is no natural progression in which i could go back, without doing some bad things i wouldn't like doing.
i really want to be alone right now! but what gives me the right to act on that? i'm genuinely concerned that without it, i'll mistreat my friends, true, but just being like this at all is bad. i nevre talk to them anyway, who am i to tell them when they can talk to ME? what if this is not some sort of thing i'm controlling by leaving, but giving in to, like i sort of suspect it is, and therefore its even worse to just blabber on about how i need it; like, thats like, lying?