log 11
i haveee no one to talk to again. and i can't even talk here about the things i'd like to, because, people have the ability to read this. so what am iii supposed to do. i do not Wish i had someone to talk to, really. but i keep going to! i keep going to say things to someone and then realizing i really can't tell anyone! and its just. i'm just sort of left here. and i can't be sad, or try to tell someone, because it is my fault for being shameful and not wanting to talk.
i talked to ONE guy about it. but we're not close, so its not like i can ever bring it up again. i think he understood though. it felt very nice to um...be heard. this is a waste of time.
i know that in the end, i will want to be better. i will talk, and be so embarrassed it took me so long, and then avoid letting this happen again. but gosh its just hard. i don't want to. i want to be my own person and i don't want to need this. like, to need people. i just love them so much. i love knowing and talking so much. jesus christ its just so beautiful and so wonderful. there are so so so so so so so so so so so many people. and everyone is so unique. and they can see me. and talk to me. and i can tell them things. i can change them. and they can change me. and i still have no one to talk to. how can that be
i am tired of talking again though. i want to sit and sleep with somebody and not need to do this right now. buttt unfortunately for me i am not ONLY chopped, at the moment, but i have NO ONE WHO EVEN! likes me that much anyway!