holy moly
1 billion more years of this and then i die and it is gone for ever ever ever. the fuck is up with that. and i will have to try forever? and ever? i hope that eventually i behave in a way that lets people actually care about me and stuff. it would be beneficial for both parties presumably. i would not like to be so alone, and it cnanot be fair to Be so alone while trying to Be There for so many. all or nothing