hhh
I NEVER WANNA LEAVE AS I SEE MYSELF RUNNING OUT OF TIME
MISTAKE AFTER MISTAKE ITS SAFER IF I DISTANCE MYSELF IF THERE'S A WAY FOR ME TO NOT DO WHAT I HAVE DONE FOR SO LONG
ok so its not fixing itself.i cannot believe i was doubting myself and STILL AM!!!! i WONDER BOY I WONDER IF ITS BIPOLAR! i wonder! i wonder! its not like you get all on edge and start thinking insane things nad trying to uproot your life over nothing! its not like you need isolation bduring those times! FUCK YYOUUUUU. FUCK YOU ITS NOT LIKE YOU NEED TO SPEND ABUNCH OF MONEY OR HARM YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUUUUUCKJ you ok fuck you. ok. get out of my face. stop like Being a person. it is annoyign it is annoying me and probably other people. presumably other people as well.
I DON'T FEEL LIKE YOU KNOW ME WELL ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND.
like, while i am trying to situate myself, othe rpeople are...around. like around me. they care about me and also i have to put up a thing for them. i dont wanna have to do that. that fuckign scusk. but thats not to say i would rather like, just talk to them off the cuff! that'd be AWFUL for both of us! i cannot think, so I HAVE To be alone. it is unfortunate but that is the way it is. this itsef is the closest i can get to talking like this. i just have nothing to say in my head. it is over it is done i am over i am done and dd and and nad i dont' know what to say. i can come up with so much but none of it is fundamental. it's hard to say fundamentally what this is.
it's like, every time this happens, i'm being given a chance. i can either stop thinking or stop talking! and last time i picked stop talking i got fucked in the ass really hard. i was trapped in hell. so i guess the only optuion is to stop thinking. but that sucks. it just sucks. what am isuppose dto say or do? if th epeople who like me are curious, i hav to lie, really, because talking about it is thinking about it and thinking about it leads me back to hell. jesus CHRIST BRUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL ROADS LEAD TO DEPRESSION
ITS SO hard to imagine that peoples lives tend to be just split up by natural things. eras based on friendships and years. every 2 weeks i am reinvented! i am new! (in 3 weeks i will be old). what is the point of this. it will go on FOREVER. is it possible to live bipolar without being on meds? i am starting to doubt it just myself. i'm not sure i could do this forever. like the whole flip flopping! it is fucking me up! it is fucking my school up! it is fucking my social life up!
can a LAWYER be bipolar? jesus christ!!!!!!!!!!!! LOOK ATMY LAWYER DAWG IM GOING TO JAIL
I DON'T want to be this self centered. i want to think about better things. but this stupid. i can't. i just can't. i'm trying soooooooo hard but ohhhh my god bruuuuuh
IF YOU CAN SHOW ME THAT YOUR THOUGHTS ARE ALL HOLY, I'LL PRETEND THAT YOU KNOW ME LIKE YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO
ALRIGHT ALRUGHT ALRIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT. IT'S...I THINK ITS OK! i think its ok. wait. i think its alright. i think i'm ok. the people understand something is wrong, and all i need to do is giggle!!!! i miss doing that. not like in an edfgy way. because its genuine. i really do want to laugh i never know what t otell them and its just i can't helpi t i don't know what to say. so they go how are you lol and i go LOL good question goooood question. and then thats that. thats that that that. they understand. they don't need t oReally get it. thats okay. that's alright. this is all alright. everyone can be that. everyone can be someone i don't explain things too, and i can try my hardest to be an object to them, to get through this. and then, when i am alone, this will go away. it will. it has to and iknow it will.
HAZY AND THEY SEE WHAT WE CAN'T SEE
PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT ME AROUND
AND I'LL TRY MY HARDEST TO BE GOOD