hhg
uh oh!!! well. uh oh. well. fuck
not great. not great not great. i thought i was doing pretty OK actually, and then i stopped to think, and now i am in a bad position. i have to stop thinking! i have to go do stuff. but i don't want to, i want to get to the bottom of this. why is my stomach like fully flipping. why can i not hold an expression or behave proper. fuck this stuff. fuckkk all of this stuff. i am tired. i miss being alone i think...which was bound to occur. but how am i supposed to remedy that? actually being alone is worse because i'd need to set that up, use my words, which...i'm sick of doing. this is when i would run away. and i wouldn't explain any thing. but i can't do that.
so i guess we will hope it fixes itself.
much to think about.
i want a desk. a nice desk. i want a house and to eat and read and sit and listen and walk. it's so bright out despite it being nearly 9 PM. i want to type and think and talk...to...my girlfriend. i miss my girlfriend. jesus christ