Forever Tonight
With sparkling crystals souls aglow
I feel so good right now. I am...so fearful. Just so so scared. That thing I talked about, the dread of knowing that very soon, this will be gone. Your freedom and your past. I, before, said I felt it often the night of being grounded. In addition to that, it was...in cars. I think of when my mom made me talk to a police officer. At least, I think that happened...I think I remember the drive there more than actually talking to him. I'm not sure my mother remembers that at all. I just feel so good. And so thankful. I want to be nice.
I've been trying, recently. To be nice. To do things I wouldn't usually. To be someone people like. To remind those around me that I love them. To care less..about myself. I feel so good. So scared though. Just...so so so so fucking scared. I don't know what else to say.
In the past, when I've been at my worst, I...I think I like, start paying attention to things, more. Physically, most memorably, but to those around me, as well. I don't know exactly why. Maybe it was just to distract myself, and to avoid getting help. I feel...sort of like that. Or, very much like that. I am on edge all of the time, but I'm just so thankful I passed my classes and...I'm so...I can't keep saying it. I sound stupid. I just don't know what else to say.
Knows only two can make it light
Today is one of those days I wouldn't mind dying. Or...maybe, better put, one of those days I feel I wouldn't mind dying. I'm sure there are many times I'd be alright with it that I just don't notice. I'm so thankful for days like these. It makes it easier to feel..um.. I don't know. Alive, on other...days.