Fear
Maybe I am better because of time. I think that makes sense. I was thinkin about it earlier, um...gosh, it's a bit complicated to explain the thought process, but I guess I was justtt. God. Okay. Well.
Speaking to someone (who, I cannot recall,) and said something like "Dirk is embarrassing but thats fine because he's 16 and disordered. Jonathan Sims is a grown ass man with embarrassing issues!" andd. It got me to thinking. First of all, it made me feel like...when people kin characters, as they are, as adults, while being er...not an adult, well I think it might change them a bit, right? They might feel more...more grown. But they're not. Almost all of my kins are kids, or...I guess hajime hinata is a young adult? Lee Smith is the most notable adult, though I only relate to him in specific ways that don't pertain to his adult life, per se.
I sort of had this backed up in my head...when I thought about how I felt when I was mostly acting like...this is stupid, but, Karkat, right...er, well, Karkat Vantas is 13, most of the time. He changes a bit when he's older, the same way I am, so I was probably more like older KK, Nonetheless, I um. Well I felt very childish. Which is a SCORE for me, because I have a bit of a hard time dealing with the more childish of my behaviours. Additionally, when I am being childish, I'm more like younger Dirk, while I'd say I'm usually quite a bit like 16yo Dirk. These are things that affirm, to me, that I'm actually like a character. I am perfectly fine with just relating to a character in a normal way, LOL, but it means a lot to me when things like this happen. I am making progress...like them. You know? It makes me kinda hopeful.
Well, anyway. I'm relating a lot to Jon, I guess. But I'm unusually embarrassed. And, well, I think that might be because...I think...gosh, well. I'm not done TMA, so I can't say. But Jon is just like me...as I am now...as an adult. So I don't really get that whole Mature thing, since Jon himself is just as immature as me, I'm finding. At least, most of the time, in most of the same regards.