oh man oh man
i laugh, and you agree
that this thing has got the best of me
recently i've caught myself a few times saying or thinking "god, i love dirk strider!" which is...its something! its something. i'm sure you, reader, have heard me talk endlessly about kinning and maybe even more specifically how one feels about the characters they kin. it's interesting.
i'm not a hugeee fan of this development. for my own sake. um. how do i word this. fuck this shit is so fucking embarrassing Man.
lets say the depressive more stoical me is AR, and the regular and hypomanic me is DS. fuck its so lame that i have to do that. but it'll surely be easier to understand who's saying what. that is to say, how you as a reader should trust and view what is being said. whatever. no one cares that fucking much. wwhatevva.
AR realizes... god
there are 27 people in the tim hortons right now. that doesn't matter, i just wanted something to do to chill the fuck out so i can write.
AR... does not Like dirk strider, and understands the certain issue that can come with even the IOTA of loving a character that represents you. truly lovnig and appreciating. that is dangerous. especially when the character and person already have ego issues. i trust him.
DS thinks it's cool. it's nice to think that despite all of the shit i think of myself, i can in any form, appreciate someone like me. i have a hard time doing that. viewing people like me in a positive/mormal way. it's hard.
but i can't think about it. viewing people at all is so fucking hard. and so nothing. and the fact i've winged it this long—and will almost certainly continue doing so, for what i assume will be the rest of my life—is fucking ridiculous.
but it's okay. i'm this is all fine. i'm getting to a point where i can accept things. which is what needs to happen for things to get done. but fuck is it hard.
i mean, look at me right now: i didn't even question the ethics of having a blog where i talk like this and people can read it. usually i have to go through a whole thing that certainly ultimately affects what i'm actually saiyng, and stuff. that didn't happen. we're getting somewhere.
now, back to dirk. now that i'm thinking about it, i can't recall exactly what makes me appreciate him and shit. i think it's just...the feeling of thinking about things that happened in a comic, truly understanding how this guy, if he were real, would have felt (but he isn't real, and i am, and i get it) is awesome. and the idea of other people liking him gives me some sort of hope that i'm not doomed.
and when i think about his relationship with jake...it's. it's unfathomable. he helps me realize i am simple. i can be reduced to a character from a comic. and when i have trouble understanding that, i think about it from the comic readers point of view. not just one point of view, but many. and this helps me accurately understand how people view me and my actions.
you can check this blog, like, the first posts. you'll see me saying things dirk thinks without even knowing that they're him!
oh, you want to be told you're stupid, so you don't feel all that complicated? and you want that to be OK?
and there jake is, not taking note of ittiest bittiest things, and talking about himself, and enjoying the fight. god man.
and here i am, with my freakin boyfriends.
now there are only 20 people.
GT: No offense but I kind of get the same smartass vibe from you as i do from the responder.
GT: Like har har i have the same basic personality as dirk but without any accountability or anything so let me just be kind of flippant and mess with this jake fellas head!
GT: You know what im saying?
TT: That's a surprisingly decent observation about me.
GT: Holy cow what a dumb sentence that was.
TT: A perfect job, in fact.
TT: Untapped potential, remember?
TT: I don't think one of Dirk's splinters could exist nearly as well in anyone's mind other than yours.
least romantic jakedirk interaction
man i hate reading that. oh to be a brain ghost without any accountability living in my boyfriends' head. what the fuck.
25 people.
thanks