bonds
today i bonded with a (very newly formed) friend. i’ve been wanting to be friends with them for a long time.
not super actively, or anything. a ‘desire’ nonetheless. a hope, i guess, moreso. i wanted to know if i could do it.
but i felt undeserving, and very burden-like. which is odd. i’m just not the type of person to acknowledge that a lot. and yet everytime we were around eachother, it was all i could feel.
i believe this stems from their nature. i don’t mind being disliked—in fact, it is my preferred state for most. there are no expectations if they don’t like you. even better if they hate you.
alas, this person is just. kind. i thought that in actuality, they would be friends with me (“me” being someone like me.), and would be nice to me.
thats somehow just worse. scarier. to know that someone has friends—has people they care about—and that could be you—but the fault is your own.
well, it’s alright. i learned they’re low key a big nerd. the same as me. i ‘shot my shot’ by asking about their nerd interests and hobbies and invited them to consume a media they like with me, which they took me up on.
it was fun. it was super fun. i thought, “how is this the first actual thing we’re doing together?”, and, “we’re talking like we’ve been friends for a long, long time.” how nice is that? how nice are those things to think? very nice, i figure.
so i told them. that i’m thankful. and they said, vaguely, “i’ve been waiting to talk to you!”.
wild. i picture myself as—not exactly approachable, but—a fine person to befriend, nonetheless.
well, we’re here. we did it! so what is there to worry about. i hope we become close. that’d be nice.