GODDDD
alright. So fjrs fof all this is WAY more embarassing than wanting to kill myself or how i harm myself in The little ways or how i Feel about those around me. This shit is PISSINGGGG ME AWFFF SOOOO BAD .
i do not like sex. I mean, its whatever. I like it in the same way I like tims white candy cane hot chocolate. Where i sit and i go oh my god its my favourite. Its the best. And then i promptly have a tummy ache for 14 BILLION HOURS and i say IM NEVER FUCKING DRINKING THAT AVAIN. But then i find myself in tims and I'm like kicking rocks like Hahah.. anyone wana Buy me a... Hot chocolate.......
And fhey say Ok because they think theyre doing me a favour. But thats wrong. And this analogy stops working here. Becshse any sex i have given is not a favour. Not of any kind. I am ridiculous and also need to be shot and fucking killed.
And I Like kissing. A lot! Even though i Also hate it a lot, because Its sorta embarrassing, and I Never remember anything. I mean i feel that way about sex too. Its pretty embarrassing. Um, it just so happened that my partner liked me lots so I Always had a pretty great time, which is supes embarassing and awful and genuinely fucking horrreeenddousss. I do Not want to be the one in that position!!! I just want to be helpful. But what the fuck wm I GOING TO DO! UNLESS you have a fetish for stupidnfucking chuds who never stop talking and are bad at eveeything, IM FUCKED!!!
which. I think people do have that fetish actually, just a little bit.
But i digress.
I mostly dislike the language. I dislike "sex"—as that term means different things to diffferent peopel. But I Consider all sorts of shit Sex. I'm not going to describe it at all cuz its Literally None of your business but Like LOL SORR that was a joke liek the. The serious tone was a joke. Jts LITERALLY NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. WHO EVEN ARE YOU?
i also dislike it because i have many bodily issues fhat sre CRAZY unaddressed becshse i #DONTHAVEAFUCKINGDOCTOR.
Ive been Hallucinating Love Me Drowned for like hours now. I miss rodya. FUXK i forgot this was kinda about him. Ok. Forgot he reads fhese sometimes. No he doesnt. Im going to pretend he doesnt.
What? Anyway. Fuck what was i. Fuck. Ok anhway.
I'm not a huge fan. Butttt but isnt it fun pretending?
I'm having fun pretending to be like, regular boyfriends. I mean its not a lot of pretend but it is to me. Maybe we're just doing really good. But our discussion at rhe verh start about sfuff, so on the table, it feels like a secret. Like every babe is being handed to me with another TOS that says "dw we can falk abt anything @ any time!". And
I think that. It reminds me kf all those Connotations around Sex. And stuff like that.
Man Ive just never this.. ljke. Ive neve been this sure I want to Kiss somebody. Never ever. But its true. And I'm going to. And its going to be very bad probably. Very bad cuz i suck, but very FUCKING AWESOME because I'm in love with this guy.
I'd sooner kill myself fhan picture a world shere we need fo discuss something like that in a tense matter.
I had to be asked once. About my Methods of kissing. And it was humiliating. Idk. But sometimes you gotta, if its serious, or youre uncomfortable. So maybe I Should be worried. I'm just Not really. I'd be pretty willing to Lock in to stucf like fhat flr Him.
God. Man. It's just acfually humiliating. I am just kind of Very Ugly. And saying anything like fhis, it is assuming that ANYONE wants to know what an uglier person has to say on this, and they DONT. Bjt this is private so that doesnt atter, sure, but its still fucking embarassing.
To thjnk someone could read this and Picture Me. And my sfupid. Fucking fsce duxe. Like fuck. Don't do fhat olease.
Thanks