lame lame lame-o
this sucks. what is this. why do i need to do a bunch of bullshit the second i get anxious. it's stupid and i'd get over it if i juts like stopped doing a bunch of BULLSHITTT brahhh
and it feels like it always does. like there is no choice and if i don't make a chance then i am giving up and fucking doomed. but then i am happy either way, usually. it has to go so, so badly for me to
not make a choice → depressed
it is just always better than i think it will be. but the idea of following like usual, and it not being clear that i'm like GOING TO DIE just pisses me off so fucking badly!!!! no one knows then, dude. and if i give in to that, give in to being OK with no one knowing, then it gets like REALLYYY bad and i never tell anyone anything. like fuck